


Butterflies

by floatinglanterns



Category: Guardians of the Galaxy (Movies), Marvel Cinematic Universe
Genre: Character Study, Childhood Trauma, F/M, Family, Feels, Friendship, Love, Romance, a whole lot of feels
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-08-19
Updated: 2018-08-19
Packaged: 2019-06-29 15:43:28
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,439
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/15732477
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/floatinglanterns/pseuds/floatinglanterns
Summary: Based on the deleted Gamora/Thanos Infinity War scene but set before Infinity War itself.Gamora may not always show it, but she's happy now she has found a family. Even if she doesn't feel worthy enough to belong to it.





	Butterflies

**Author's Note:**

> This is the result of my trip to Disneyland Paris and being bombarded with Starmora feels. I couldn't get that deleted scene out of my head, especially Gamora's line about her Guardians family. Enjoy!

She took a deep breath in and continued to stare out into the galaxy, something she’d been doing for the last thirty-five minutes. Gamora rarely got lost in deep thought because she wouldn’t let herself. If she got too deep in thought, then she was bound to overthink and delve into memories and past scenarios that she didn’t even want to think about. Tonight though, she was having trouble suppressing any, and all, thoughts.

She had all intentions of climbing into bed and going straight to sleep. She had even almost managed to drift off before she felt a strange feeling in her stomach which urged her up out of bed. 

“Gamora?” A voice came up behind her. “Are you okay?”

“I’m fine Peter,” she turned towards him and faked a smile. “Just thinking.”

“Hmm,” he responded, not entirely convinced.

He walked across the ship and stood beside her, his arm almost touching hers due to the close proximity.

“Pretty isn’t it,” he said.

“Yeah.”

“You know. When I was a kid, me and my mom would do this thing, stargazing I think it was called, and we’d stare out into space and she’d tell me all these facts about the stars and their shapes and what they meant,” he paused, “It’s so weird that I get to live amongst them now. She’d have loved that.”

“My mother named a star after me once. There was always one that lit up extra bright at night and she said that it reminded her of me.”

Peter braved taking her hand in his and she didn’t pull away when he did so. He brushed his thumb up and down the back of her hand in an attempt to show his compassion.

“You don’t talk about her much, your mother I mean.”

“Yeah I guess not.”

“I used to be like that. Accepting what had happened was the hardest thing I’ve ever done. Then with Ego, I guess, it kinda brought back all the memories.”

“You were very strong.”

He sighed and ran his other hand through his hair, combing back his tousled locks.

“You’re stronger.”

She glanced sideways and met eyes with Peter. They only had eye contact for a second before she turned back towards the view of the galaxy, but he knew something was wrong. 

Peter knew Gamora’s looks well. She had a certain look for when she was about to do something strong and powerful, it was a look of focus and intent. She had a look for when she was talking to Groot, it was soft and sincere. She had a look for when she was about to rant, a look Peter knew well because it was usually reserved for him after he’d made some dumb decision. 

But now, she just looked... sad.

“You know you can talk to me right?” He let out a deep breath. “I feel like you don’t know that, and I just, I want you to.”

“I know that Peter,” she replied, moving to lean her head on his shoulder. “There’s a lot going on in my head right now.”

“I didn’t think you were an over-thinker.”

“I’m not and that’s why I hate feeling like this.”

“Like what?” He asked. 

Gamora may have a variety of looks but she only tends to see one when she looks at him. A look that she’d grown accustomed to. A look that was able to comfort or calm her in an instant, though she wouldn’t admit that to him. A look that made her feel safe, and warm. 

Right now he was giving her that look, and she felt the same feeling in her stomach as before.

“Dammit,” she muttered under her breath and clenched her stomach.

“What? What is it? Are you sick?”

“No, it’s just this weird feeling in my stomach.”

Peter frowned and gently urged Gamora to sit perch on the chair. He knelt down beside her, one hand held hers as the other brushed a stray hair out of her face.

“Does it hurt?”

“No. It’s-“ she couldn’t explain, not without sounding like an idiot. “It’s like something is stuck inside me fluttering around.”

“Butterflies?”

“Those insects? I don’t think they’re inside of me Peter.”

Peter remembers the first time his mother explained what butterflies were to him. It was his first day of school and his mother had just finished dressing him. 

_“You look as clean as a whistle for your first day Peter,” she said, wiping the toothpaste from around his mouth. “You’re gonna show up all them other boys on the yard looking as handsome as you do.”_

_“Momma, I feel sick.”_

_“Oh Pete,” she shuffled him into her arms, his head pressed against her stomach and she gently brushed her fingers through his hair. “That’s just excitement. Think of them as butterflies floating around in there.”_

_She tickled his stomach and he let out a contagious laugh. “Stop it Momma!” he laughed hysterically._

_“That just means that you’re excited and you’re gonna rock today.”_

_“Momma, have you ever had butterflies?”_

_“Every time I look at your father Pete.”_

That moment stung in his brain now, but he knew how deeply in love his mother was with Ego. Of course, she didn’t know his master-plan, but she’d only ever talked fondly of him to Peter. 

“You get them when you’re nervous, or excited, or maybe when you love someone.”

Gamora shook her head and looked down at her hands. “I think, that maybe I’m not used to feeling like this.”

“Like what?

“Happy,” she said with a crack in her voice.

Peter sighed, “Oh Gamora, I’m sorry.” 

“Don’t pitty me Peter. My past is not your fault.”

Peter only knew vague details of Gamora’s childhood, she rarely talked about what Thanos had done to her and Nebula and she talked even less about her upbringing on her home planet. She was nothing but a mystery to him at times, but he cared for her nonetheless. Her intriguing nature was part of what made him love her, she was able to hide her emotions from the world, but in moments like this she could confide in him. These moments were rare, but he’d always count them as a win because it means that she was willing to open up to him. He was finally knocking down her walls, slowly sure, but she was worth the wait. 

“When I was younger I was content. I had my mother and that’s all I needed. It was us against the world, but we were never fully happy. We were hungry and often lonely, but it didn’t matter because we had each other.”

Peter nodded, “I know the feeling, me and my mom never had much but we had each other.”

“And then they just get taken away from you.”

They sat in silence for a few minutes, Peter’s hand rested upon Gamora’s on her lap. They had a lot more in common than they had ever even realised. They’d faced losing the only person they’d ever loved at a very young age, something nobody should have to go through.

After a while, Gamora turned to face Peter, taking note of the tears brimming in his eyes which were much like her own. 

“I’m happy Peter. You have to know that. I may not always show it but I am. You, the others, you’re my family now. Family isn’t always blood, you know that more than anyone,” she paused, “I’m sorry, I shouldn’t have brought that up.”

“No you’re right. Yondu wasn’t blood, and he raised me, he was family. You’re family. I’m just glad you’re happy.”

“I am. I’ve not had anyone make me feel like I was worthy of love, not since my mother. For years I thought I wasn’t even worthy. What I was doing for Thanos wasn’t me, I was conditioned into being someone I hated. Though, I did it, I killed people. People who didn’t even deserve to die were murdered by my own two hands. I’m not-I wasn’t worthy of a family.”

Peter sighed, braving pulling her into an embrace. She accepted, her face fitting into the crook of his neck. 

“You’re worthy of family Gamora. You’re not that person,” he said softly into her ear. 

“Anymore."

“No. You never were. You were kidnapped as a child and tortured and forced to become that person. Your past doesn’t define you, especially now you’ve saved the galaxy twice.”

She chuckled and Peter felt relieved to hear it.

“You’ve always deserved better,” he said, tightening his arms around her.

For the first time, she may actually believe that. 


End file.
